The Covert Narcissism Podcast

When a Covert Narcissist Tries to “Make Peace”

Have you ever experienced a covert narcissist trying to make peace? How did that go? Did you walk away feeling better? Or did you walk away feeling like you had just been through hand to hand combat? When a covert narcissist tries to make peace with you, you go through yet another level of destructive interactions. This destruction centers around a facade of sympathy, backwards apologies, intense blame shifting, minimizing their bad behavior, and entitlement in the form of expectations of your forgiveness and "return" to them.
 
We often talk about intimate relationships here. But today I share a story of someone dealing with a covert narcissist at her place of work. In the work environment, dealing with a covert narcissist is extremely difficult and complex. Setting your own boundaries for yourself becomes absolutely necessary.
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Living with an Agent of Chaos, Survivor Story by Todd

Are guys sometimes victims of covert narcissism? Absolutely! This is not a gender issue.Female covert narcissists are incredibly destructive. In this story, Todd tells his story of dealing with his covert narcissistic wife and how a glance back at his childhood showed how he was primed for this relationship from the beginning.
He was in an abusive marriage and didn’t know it. This behavior and the feelings he was having were normalized from his upbringing, so the red flags didn’t go off. He just accepted it until he just “woke up.”
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Does Karma Ever Catch Up With a Narcissist?

Absolutely. I haven’t met one yet who is truly happy and content in life. They are grumpy, angry, defensive, hypersensitive, insecure, lazy, unmotivated, full of drama, worked up, and upset.
 
They do not know how to love nor to be loved. They are constantly seeking it and don’t recognize it when it is right in front of them. When they have it, they are so afraid of losing it that they push it away. They do not know how to actually relax and enjoy life. They have no idea how to be in the present moment, much less to enjoy it. They have no peace. In other words, they are already living in hell, and this is their karma, a life devoid of true connection and fulfillment.
 
But what about their victims? I have met plenty of them. These are the individuals who have suffered at their hands. These individuals often come out so much stronger and more resilient on the other side of narcissism. They self-reflect and work on themselves.They quit hiding from who they are, but rather embrace themselves with forgiveness and curiosity. They do the inner work and learn to be present in life. With this self-discovery, the present moment is a treasured part of their life. They have found a piece of heaven.
 
If you haven't found that yet, don't worry! There is nothing wrong with you. It is okay. In this episode, you will learn more steps that you can take to break the trauma bond and propel your journey of healing.
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

“Would You Consider This Mental Abuse?” Survivor Story with Wendy

In the series of Survivor Stories, Wendy shares her story of a long-term marriage full of betrayal. From very early on, her husband had an affair and left her. She fought for the marriage because she didn’t want her son to grow up in a split home. This happened a second time during their son’s young life. However, the third time he left for an affair, she let him go. 
 
After 30 years of this, it was time to find some healing. She went to a therapist and said:
“I don’t understand. I have all these cards from him that say, “I love you. You are the rock of the family. You’re my best friend. I don’t ever want to live without you. I can’t wait to grow old with you.” All the while he was having affairs. Would you consider this mental abuse? She said, Yes!”
 
Thus began her journey of healing!
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

3 Simple Steps for Boundary Setting with a Covert Narcissist

Grandiose narcissists cross physical boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in a physical manner. They hit you, shove you, grab you, or throw things at you. They have no regard for your physical space or safety.
 
Vulnerable narcissists, often referred to as covert narcissists, cross emotional boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in an emotional way. They hit you emotionally, blame you, guilt you, or dismiss you. They have no regard for your emotional space or safety.
 
In this episode, Renee gives you 3 simple steps that you can put into place to establish boundaries that work for you. These boundaries are not for them. They are for you!!
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Covert Narcissism and Christianity with Guest Kathy

Everyone dealing with covert narcissism deals with FOG, but Christians have a extra layer of FOG to handle. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These 3 issues keep a victim of covert narcissism trapped for years and decades. If you add Christianity to this, it becomes nearly impossible to see things clearly.
 
You are already dealing with the fear of your partner's reactions, fear of upsetting them, and fear of abandonment. Add to this the fear of disobeying God and being condemned to hell.
 
You live under the obligation to be loyal and supportive spouse. Add to this the obligation to be submissive and dutiful, plus the obligation to be intimate with a partner who constantly pushes you away.
 
You are overwhelmed with guilt when you fail at all the things you now feel responsible for, such as keeping them satisfied and happy. Add to this the enormous guilt because of how you think and feel about your spouse and because you can't make things better.
 
The Christian perspective certainly adds another layer of FOG to an already dense situation.
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Covert Narcissism Screws with Your Mind

I stood in my own home and realized that I was frozen, absolutely stuck. What to fix for dinner, what to watch on tv, when to sit down and read my book. I was no longer capable of making even small decisions. This is life with a covert narcissist.
 
I can't decide where to go for dinner or what to cook. I can't figure out which bathroom to use in my own home. I can't decide which shirt to wear around the house. All because of the belittling comments, controlling comments, self-focused comments, and victim comments. These are never-ending and incredibly destructive.
 
When I say that our mind is in overdrive, you cannot possibly understand this unless you have lived it. If you have lived it, you know exactly what I mean.
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Coercive control with Eleanor Marks

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate, manipulate, and control another person, typically in the context of intimate relationships. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that can also include physical or sexual violence but is often more subtle and sustained. 
The goal of coercive control is to strip the victim of their autonomy and independence, making them dependent on the abuser. This type of control puts the covert narcissist in charge and leaves the target at the mercy of their moods, attitudes, behaviors, and wants.
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast
 

Snapshot of the Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

“I started this relationship looking for reasons to like him, but I ended it fighting against all the reasons that I hated him.” I have so many people voice this to me. You don't want to hate them. You fight against that for years, but your heart just keeps screaming louder.
 
You spend years wondering what is wrong with you. Why can't you just focus on the good and move on? There are good traits and good days with them. I’m supposed to dwell on that, right? But why can’t I? What’s wrong with me?
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
#Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Trauma Bonding Part 2

Let’s remember what trauma bonding is - In a simple definition, it is when the one who has hurt you is the one you turn to help you feel better. Trauma bonding feels like, “you’ve broken me into pieces but you’re the only one who can fix me.” The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes.You could even call trauma bonding a conditioned dependency. You have been conditioned to rely on this person to help you feel relief from your internal stress. They make you hurt by the way they treat you, and they make you feel better because a healthy relationship with them is what you desire. No one else can make you feel better about that relationship. They can talk with you about it. They can help support you and care for you. But no one can take away that deep internal pain that an intimate covert abuser causes. So you continue to do everything in your power to make peace with this person. You dig in so hard because you desire it SO much!So what do we do about it? I’m going to give you 10 strategies. All 10 might not apply to you. All of us are different. Take the ones that feel right to you and start applying them to your life. Later come back and listen again, you might find a few more that will help you in the new place that you are in.
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
•Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
•Are you searching for people who get it? 
•Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
•Are you running in circles in your mind?
•Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
•Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism