The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Covert Narcissists are Chameleons

Chameleons change colors according to their environment or their intentions. They change colors to attract mates and to tell intruders to stay away. They hide from their prey and they hide from their predators. 
 
A chameleon type covert narcissist is one who uses their image as their basis of manipulation on others. Covert narcissists rely heavily on their image of themselves for the different roles they see themselves in.
 
They create this image in their head of who they are, and they want others to believe in this image. So they change their color to manipulate those around them into thinking certain things about them. This is different from adaptability and needs to be explored in your education about covert narcissists.

Story of Hope: From the Suffocating Dark Cloud of Narcissism to the Brightness and Peace

In this episode, Jean shares her story of hope. Looking back in her marriage, she sees the beginning of doubting herself. She was squashed and made to feel unworthy over and over. Along with this, she was so convinced that she needed him, the covert narcissist in her life, and that he was her emotional support.
In facing this darkness and its internal effect on her, she found her escape from the suffocating and abusive environment. She realized that the emotional support she needed was inside of her. It had been there all along. The voices of doubt lost their grip on her, and she sees positive in herself now. As the heaviness lifts, doors of new opportunities and great potential have opened. Now, her days begin with brightness and peace.

”You did that ON PURPOSE!” The Hurt Feelings of a Covert Narcissist

I’ve worked with children most of my life in different capacities. One of the things they say that bothers me the most is, “They did that ON PURPOSE!” 
One kid swinging his arms around in the room. Another child walks by and gets hit by those swinging arms. They run to the teacher and through their tears declare, “They hit me ON PURPOSE.”
This is what it is like living with a covert narcissist. Except they are an adult still behaving this way. They are convinced that you have hurt them ON PURPOSE and they refuse to allow reconciliation to be easy if at all.
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Story of Hope: Surviving the Crash of a Fairy Tale Marriage

Being raised to be a “good girl” sets many of us up for a manipulative and abusive marriage. This is Kathy’s story today. She approached this marriage with so much love, compassion and dedication. He used all of this against her.
In her escape and recovery, she asks, “Why didn’t he see the goodness in me that I believed was there? Others saw it, but he never did. What I needed to do was to see the goodness myself.” A huge part of our healing is embracing who we are and no longer leaning on them for our own validation.
With the strength of a support group around her, she got through this crash and is now embracing a new life. Sure there are phases of anger and bitterness. In working through those phases, one can become more in tune with our ability to love and receive love. It starts with loving ourselves! Her story is a Story of Hope.
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Story of Hope after Covert Narcissism

With story after story begin full of pain, confusion, anger and depression, it is time to hear some stories of hope. There is life after narcissism!
Peace can be found, not from others, but from within yourself.
 
I am doing a mini series of guest episodes with Stories of Hope. I start by sharing my own story of hope. After being in the darkest place in my life, I am now living a life full of happiness and peace. I have rich relationships with my family and friends. It isn't perfect, but perfect isn't the goal. I don't want perfect. I want normal!
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 

The Narcissist’s Prayer Pt 2 (Special Throwback Episode)

This 2-part series on the Narcissist’s prayer serves a guide through the circular conversations and manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist. Each step expresses a ploy used by the covert narcissist to take the pressure off of them and put it onto you.
These tactics include gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting and a complete unwillingness to have any give.
The covert narcissist might not use these exact words, but the attitudes are definitely conveyed.
•That didn't happen.
•And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
•And if it was, that's not a big deal.
•And if it is, that's not my fault.
•And if it was, I didn't mean it.
•And if I did, you deserved it.
They will absolutely blame you for what they did and use illogical arguments to persuade you. These are even delivered with such conviction that you will find yourself fooled. They will spin the direction of the arguments so quickly that you don’t even know what is going on. You are agreeing with them to keep the peace and don’t even know what you are agreeing to.
You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know for what.
Whether you leave or stay is up to you. But make the choice with your eyes open. Know your reality and trust your heart! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

It’s Impossible to Find Normal with a Covert Narcissist

One of the worst things you can say to a victim of covert narcissistic abuse is “every family has their issues. No one is perfect.”
Just saying this statement now makes my skin crawl. As a victim of covert narcissistic abuse, when a friend would tell me, well every family has their issues, it completely invalidated everything that I was going through. It was like I now had no room to say anything else about what was going on.
I mean what was I going to say, “No they don’t. Everyone else is perfect.”
Or - “Oh really? Tell me what issues you have.” And then try to make light of their situation.
When these words would come out of someone else's mouth, I felt completely unheard. And that no matter what I said from here, I was going to sound desperate and petty, like a constant complainer, never happy.
The message that was communicated to me was that no one was perfect. I wanted to scream, I don't want perfect! That's not what I was after. I did not know the words at the time, but I know them now. I just wanted normal.
 
Doctor Ramani video referenced in this episode
https://youtu.be/Bj5hVoaiKFw?feature=shared
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
 
 

The Narcissist’s Prayer Part 1 (Special Throwback Episode)

That didn't happen.And if it did, it wasn't that bad.And if it was, that's not a big deal.And if it is, that's not my fault.And if it was, I didn't mean it.And if I did, you deserved it.
This short verse illustrates the inner workings of a covert narcissist’s mind. This sums up all the circular conversations, gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting, and absolutely no give of a covert narcissist.The truth is simply whatever serves the narcissist at that particular time. This truth changes as needed, sometimes at a very quick pace. This plays into everything we have been talking about on this podcast.
You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know what for.
You walk away in total confusion, feeling completely unheard, and having no idea where things are with this relationship. Are we good? Are we getting better? Are we making progress? Whether you leave a relationship or stay is up to you. But make the choice with your eyes open. Know your reality and trust your heart! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

How to Set Boundaries with a Covert Narcissist

People often come to me and say, “I need to get better at setting boundaries.” Ok, what have you tried so far?
I tried telling him/her - I don’t like it when you call me sweetie. I don’t like that name.
What happened?
He told me, “but it is because you are SO sweet to me and I can’t believe that you have a problem with me showing my gratitude. You know that really hurts.” So now I feel bad for asking him not to call me that. It isn’t that big of a deal. I should be more appreciative.
Setting boundaries with a covert narcissist often backfires. They weaponize it against you, causing you to feel guilty for saying anything in the first place. So how do we set boundaries?
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Episode 5 - How Do We Turn the Survival Skills Off? (Special Throwback Episode)

So how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off?Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing everything. These learned behaviors affect our lives drastically and all of our relationships with others.Turning these survival tactics off is crucial to setting yourself up for a more relaxed life and healthy relationships. Learning to relax and trust life again are vital steps to break the cycle of abusive partners and to attract healthier people into your life. Here are some specific tools you need for this journey of healing!
 
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 
Are you searching for people who get it? 
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? 
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? 
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
 
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism